Who Am I?

Every day, I asked myself this very same question. I'd push staples under my fingernails, cry in the bathroom on my break, fantasize about dropping my co-workers into the orifice of a raging volcano. My anger was real. 

Then one day, I decided to stop whining and to start winning! Every moment of my existence allows me to see things that would terrify other human beings...things that you could only dream of, things that have helped me reach a state of autonomous bliss too beautiful for words. If you just trust in me, give me your time and respect, I truly believe I can help you achieve your own version of personal fulfillment and happiness, no matter what that means.

To find satisfaction, we must follow our own paths, blaze our own ways, ruthlessly visualize our own goals until they come true. I did this. The Cheese Bringer is real, and he will soon reign over all. Do you want to be cast into hell on the Day of Judgement, or will you be put through a minor amount of pain before being deemed worthy, granted entry into my version of heaven? I love you...give me a chance and learn how to love me.

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